Content warning: references to s**cide attempts, nothing detailed.
Ji Fanyang grabbed Lu Hui by the arm with one hand and reached into his pocket, pulled out the key, and opened the door with the other, like he was scared Lu Hui would run away as soon as he looked away.
Lu Hui stood next to Ji Fanyang helplessly. His obsidian-like eyes looked at the young man’s profile, a bit quiet and empty.
The door was pushed open, revealing the familiar atmosphere and furniture. Lu Hui stood beyond the doorway, slowly turning his gaze about the room, like a wolf dog that had not returned home in ages.
Ji Fanyang stepped on the doormat and wiped the dirt off the soles of his shoes, then turned to welcome him in: “Come in.”
“Mm.” As Lu Hui tread across the threshold, the click of his shoes sounded like scraping of canine claws across stone.[1]??? that’s what it said
Ji Fanyang walked into the bedroom swiftly and opened the cupboard, not forgetting to instruct Lu Hui: “Go shower, don’t touch any of the furniture.”
Lu Hui snorted, looking a little wronged. Just now, that young man had hugged him without a care in the world for the dirt, but was now not letting him touch the furniture.
“Also,” Ji Fanyang put a razor where Lu Hui could see it easily, advising sternly, “Shave the beard off.”
“…Oh.” Lu Hui removed his tattered coat, revealing the likewise tattered shirt underneath. Ji Fanyang pointed at him: “Throw it all out. Don’t leave them on the floor.”
“…I can only come in once I strip naked at the door?” Lu Hui raised his eyebrows.
Ji Fanyang smirked, showing his white teeth: “Correct.”
“…” Lu Hui slowly walked up to the door and removed everything except for his worn-out underpants and put the clothing in a plastic garbage bag. He watched helplessly as Ji Fanyang tossed the bag into the garbage can.
“The underpants, too…?” Lu Hui asked
Ji Fanyang walked back over and closed the door, shaking his head: “Throw your underpants out in the bathroom garbage. New ones are on top of the washing machine.”
“I thought you wanted to look.” Lu Hui joked, “I’ll do my best to satisfy all of your conditions.”
“Shut up and go shower.” Ji Fanyang rolled his eyes, “I’m very moved.”
Lu Hui rubbed his greasy beard, walked into the bathroom, and shut the door.
The water turned on, and Ji Fanyang sat on the sofa. He rubbed his temples, then buried his face in his hands. He let out a long breath, his muscles loosening and his taut nerves, tense for so many days, finally relaxed. He closed his eyes and half reclined on the sofa. As he listened to the continuous sound of the water, he started to drift to sleep.
Lu Hui stood under the shower head, his body covered in white body wash. The joy and relief disappeared from his expression, replaced by muddled uncertainty.
He rinsed off the suds, then carefully scrubbed his hair. His fingers were covered in cuts, and under the running water, they stung. Everytime he lifted his hands, his fingertips trembled. A multitude of complicated and utterly illogical images flashed before his eyes, like lightning streaking through dark clouds. He could not hold on to them, let alone understand them.
After he finished washing, Lu Hui wiped himself off with a bath towel. He stood at the sink and shaved off his beard, leaving behind only a shadow on his jaw. He never liked shaving it completely off.
When he put on some clean clothes and walked out of the bathroom, Ji Fanyang squinted his eyes and turned his head to look at him, looking exhausted.
Lu Hui sat beside Ji Fanyang: “Hey.”
“Mm…” Ji Fanyang fought to open his eyes and wake up. His tawny irises reflected the warm light of the wall lamp, looking especially tender, “You look much easier on the eyes now.”
Having just gotten out of the shower, Lu Hui’s hair was sticking up in all directions, making the thirty-three year old man look like a thirteen-year-old kid. The fresh lemon and sea salt scent from the body wash dispersed through the room. His blue, cotton pajamas neutralized his gloomy expression.
“Where did you go after leaving the hospital?” Ji Fanyang sat up, turning his head to look at Lu Hui.
Lu Hui looked back at him, the uncertainty climbing back up into his eyes. He hesitated: “I don’t…” His voice was somewhat downcast, “I don’t remember.”
“You don’t remember?” Ji Fanyang repeated, dumbfounded. He knitted his brows together and saw the wounds on Lu Hui’s hands, “What happened to your hands?”
“These?” Lu Hui lifted his hands. The skin around the edges of the wound had turned pallid from the running water, “I had them when I woke up.”
Ji Fanyang pulled open the coffee table drawer and grabbed a pack of bandaids. He tore open the package and carefully stuck them onto Lu Hui’s fingers: “Where did you wake up?”
“My old room in the forest by the factory.” Lu Hui answered, “I walked over.”
“You walked that far?” Ji Fanyang stood up, poured a glass of water, and passed it to Lu Hui.
Lu Hui raised his glass and took a sip, smiling wryly: “Mhm. With the way I was dressed, would there be a taxi driver willing to give me a ride?”
“…That’s true.” Ji Fanyang was persuaded with difficulty. He looked at Lu Hui, worried, “What do you remember?”
“I…” Lu Hui lifted his sleeves, revealing many scars on his arms. He turned his wrists over, and on his left wrist was a visible scar, “I seemed to have attempted suicide.”
The scar was fierce and warped, like a hideous caterpillar embedded into Lu Hui’s arm. Ji Fanyang sucked in a breath, grabbing his arm to inspect the scar: “Why would you…”
“I wouldn’t commit suicide. Suicide is a coward’s choice.” Lu Hui said.
Ji Fanyang frowned: “You need to go see a psychologist.”
“I’m not going.” Lu Hui refused straightforwardly.
“You need to go.” Ji Fanyang was adamant, “You went missing for half a month, attempted suicide, and lost your memory. You must go to a psychologist. Also, does your sister know you’re back?”
“Don’t tell my sister.” Lu Hui blurted out. He looked at Ji Fanyang doubtfully, “I can, but I don’t want her to know.”
“You can?” Ji Fanyang frowned.
“I don’t know why, but don’t tell my sister.” Lu Hui removed his wrist and covered it tightly with the sleeves of his pajamas. Flickering images and fleeting sounds flitted through his mind, but he could not catch them nor see them clearly. He could only fumble about using his intuition.
“I’ll go with you to see a psychologist.” Ji Fanyang said, “There’s one at the Bureau. We can go tomorrow.”
“…Okay.” Lu Hui took a sip, using the motion to cover the trembling of his fingers. He did not want to go to the Bureau. A foreboding feeling kept telling him that something bad would happen tomorrow. His own heartbeat filled his ears, but as he looked into the young man’s tawny eyes, he couldn’t say no.
“It’s late.” Ji Fanyang glanced at the clock, then asked worriedly, “It’s okay if you…sleep by yourself, right?”
“I’m thirty-three years old, little buddy.” Lu Hui put the glass down, his eyes gentle as clear, flowing water, “I’ll go to sleep after watching some TV, you can go ahead first. Happy birthday.”
“Happy birthday to you, too.” Ji Fanyang blinked, like he remembered something. He rushed into the bedroom and walked out with a square box, passing it to Lu Hui, “A birthday gift.”
Lu Hui took the box and opened it. Inside was the watch he had liked before: “Didn’t I tell you not to buy this for me?”
“Quit fussing and put it on.” Ji Fanyang urged.
Lu Hui had no alternative. He put the watch on, covering the ugly scars on his wrist. The classic, refined watch looked quite nice on his wrist.
Ji Fanyang nodded in satisfaction: “Alright, I’ll go to bed now. Good night.”
“…Good night.” Lu Hui watched the young man shut the door, then turned his head and turned the TV on. He turned the volume down a little bit and rolled up in the blanket to fall asleep.
Footnotes
| ↑1 | ??? that’s what it said |
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